One of Dr. Phil’s favorite quotes is – “The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.”
1. When you give better, you get better. If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
2. Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working? Stop being a “right-fighter. ” It doesn’t matter if you’re right if it’s just not working. Would you rather be right, or be happily married? Forget right fighting everyone is a loser here.
3. There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. Recognize when it’s not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
4. Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
5. You don’t fix things by fixing your partner. Sometimes you need to look at your role in the relationship – Read Relationship Rescue – the first six chapters is about you – not your partner.
6. Emotional Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world. Does sex matter too – yes you bet. Why? Because the physical intimacy is what makes a relationship a romantic relationship rather than just a friendship.
7. Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
8. You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules if things are not currently suiting you.
9. Negotiate. Every relationship is negotiated, and needs to be continually negotiated. Even if you’ve done things one way for 20 years, it’s not too late to find a new way to share responsibilities. Find a division of labor that both of you can live with. Come up with new definitions for your relationship.
10. Work on things during times of peace. In the heat of an argument is no time to come up with solutions that will work for both of you. Don’t expect things to change without working on changing them.
11. Try to see things through your partner’s eyes. You need not necessarily switch roles completely, but you do need to understand what your spouse is saying.
12. For men only who are married – Remember that your wife is your partner, not your mother. Don’t expect her to clean up after you and find your keys to the car. Perhaps your mother did that when you were a child, but you’re now in a partnership.
All the best