Hello again. I am here again writing a little bit more on Cluster B personalities. I know you are thinking not again. Well I am taking a different approach this time. I have talked about the behavior patterns of the Cluster B, and I have talked about the best way to move them with the No Contact approach. Easier said than done.
Now I would like to talk about how to heal from everything you have experienced. Most of you who have had the misfortune to come across these people either has a partner, a friend, a teacher, family members or even just a person on a random site who has nothing better to do then relieve boredom by starting an argument for attention.
I have been reading a book called Psychopath free, very informative indeed and the author likened being with a psychopath (his words) as an adventure. Not how I would have looked at, but then he said, an adventure worth taking. As I kept reading I then began to understand where the author was coming from. It’s not the nicest adventure, but at the end of it you begin to realize that it was worth it. Why you ask? How can it be worth it when playing with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? How can it be worth it when recovery takes so long?
Well I found the key to recovery was education. Educating yourself on the Cluster B personality and behaviors but also educating yourself on what you as a survivor can expect after the chaos has settled down. What to expect when the Fog has lifted, what to expect to find at the end of the Adventure.
You find a different person, one who has been to hell and back and survived. One who comes out stronger and more compassionate despite what has happened. One who will in a year will find all their greatest qualities they thought they lost come back. A person who will learn to trust themselves again, trust their intuition again, a person with boundaries and empathy. A person who has not lost anything but gained a lot. A person who can conquer their own demons. So what happened during that year. A whole lot of great stuff, the greatest being that you educated yourself and found the closure you needed.
People often ask why does it take so long to heal from being with a cluster B personality?
This is because a break up with these people is no ordinary break up. The one thing you will never get is closure. They will never say sorry I hurt you, they will never take responsibility for their own actions and the worst of it is you are trying to get your head around why do they do it and how can people be so cruel.
Healing from a Cluster B will take time, at 12 to 24 months, but the best way to heal is to be loving with yourself, educating yourself on the behavior patterns and the most important if possible is NO CONTACT. This is when you can really start to see what happened and the fog lifts. Whenever someone tells you to get over it, don’t listen to them, they do not know what you have been through and you really can’t explain it to anyone as until they are on the receiving end of it they will never understand.
You see, you were in love, even though it was fake for them it was real to you, and the more they love bomb you the more in love you became. This in itself is an addiction because this alters the chemicals in our brain and you feel happy all the time. Then when they start to take it away, you are desperate for more and can’t understand why they won’t give it to you. This is how they control, you want something they can supply but they choose not to. Then they begin the downward spiral for you, the gaslighting, the fighting, how they turn everything back on you to the point you feel it is your fault. This is damaging and draining, but just remember you have encountered pure evil at its best.
It will take time and a lot of energy for you to get back up, you will feel isolated as the support system you thought you had dwindles. The one good thing out of all of this though is you will come back stronger and better than ever. Just don’t expect too much too soon.
Next time I will go through the stages of the grief process, but in the meantime educate yourself and if you feel you need professional seek it out. Check out the website flyingmonkeysdenied.com or PsycopathFree.com, and remember your strengthened intuition is the greatest defense against a manipulative person. It is a skill that can never be exploited and once learned, it will serve you a lifetime.
Love, Light and Blessings