RELATIONSHIPS AND STRESS
It was recently said by someone– because of being so busy, they did not have the energy to sustain the relationship.
The question posed was–Did they “want” to continue to see the person. It was about the desire not the ability.
After a great deal of thought on the word, sustain – it seemed to me, the word should have been maintain as she was inquiring about the desire not the ability. This led me to the dictionary where I looked up the word “sustain” and then “maintain” and found it rather interesting.
According to the dictionary to Sustain is to– strengthen or support physically or mentally.
for example-you sustain a charity through your donations that may fail otherwise–
Whereas to Maintain is to–1.
to cause or enable (a condition or state of affairs) to continue.
for example-you oil your wood furniture to maintain it
It also made me start to think about sustaining and maintaining a relationship when it is under stress or is at a stale mate because of various factors. Or when it seems , there just isn’t time or energy.
Many times we find we have no interest or thought for something at the moment, but it does not dampen our desire to continue it or to return to it. We just do not have the energy to give to it at the moment Perhaps it is taking care of children, parents or just good old work overload.
This is especially true in relationships. One partner becomes so involved in work for example that he cannot give to the relationship and the other partner feels as if things are ending, That they are being shut out.
This is where it is important to know the difference between sustaining and maintaining something we want to keep in our lives. We were not asking did you want the relationship to end, we were asking about did you desire to have it continue.
And with a little communication ie maintenance, many relationships can make it through the hard times.
Simple words go along way in letting a partner know this is a temporary situation. That they just can’t focus at the moment but want it to be there in the future.
First let them know-when it is back to normal, you will spend some time together. Let them know, you want to maintain this but for right now you have no energy to sustain it but that it is temporary. Tell them , I miss you/us. And above all let them know you want them in your life and that you want it to continue and you appreciate their patience.
A few words here and there can Maintain a person for along time until you can put forth the energy again.
With a bit of thought, a strong relationship will not collapse from a lack of sustaining as long as you remember to do the maintaining until you can get to it again.
Love isn’t when there is no stress nor problems in the relationship
Love is when the stress ends
Love is still there.