By Chelsea: So, you just hit that brick wall. It is like there is an invisible barrier that you just cannot get through! But this is your love, this is your one and only…. And you worry that you may be losing that. There are ways to break down that barrier. Another communication block. “I’m just not getting through,” you say to yourself.
If a couple has two different love languages, it’s like two people sitting next to each other, playing two different games, and somehow expecting a winner. Communication is far more than just words and just talking to one another. You need to be sure that the other person is receiving the message the right way. Listening, not hearing. Add an overthinker to this mix and it could be disastrous.
Knowing how to communicate effectively is key. Love language is more than saying “I love you” and it is far more than flowery words and romantic promises. Love language is an everyday thing. Save the other things for Valentine’s Day. Your love language is how you distinctively show loyalty, camaraderie, trust, faith, friendship, love, and affection. Now, we know that you want two whole people in a relationship, not too broken people barely making it, but ultimately starving. This is step one. Find your love languages. Your significant other’s love language will give you the keys to open parts of the relationship you didn’t realize were even there.
There are five different love languages. This is the first step. Attachment styles and other elements of functional relationships are something I will touch on another time. Let’s get a good solid foundation going first.
The Magic 5…
Words of Affirmation: This is speaking your truth, speaking sincerely and from the heart, verbally. These people understand and receive love by hearing I LOVE YOU multiple times, and even what you love about them…. what you appreciate about them… what makes them special to you. Praise things they do. Do not undo these words of affirmation with negative words.
Many people that use this love language are empaths and sensitives that are used to dealing with others’ feelings nonverbally, but never usually get to hear it from others. That is why these words mean so much to them.
General examples: “I love it when you do _____” or “Everything is better with you here” or “Thank you for doing __________” or “My life would not be the same without you.”
Acts of Service: These people give and receive love through the things they can do for others, or what has been done for them.
These people usually are bogged down with life’s unspoken nuisances, and just do not have enough gumption to take certain things on. The love they feel and appreciate when you do something nice, sweet, or kind for them is not something they forget. They hold it close.
Examples of this: Take them their favorite meal at work for lunch, buy one of their favorite things at the store, do a favor for them without being asked, and (wait for it…), putting the toilet seat down!
Quality Time: These people give and receive love through the amount of personal uninterrupted time. All attention should be at that moment, and in the present!
These people are usually caretakers and are very used to spending their time and effort on others. Busy moms, busy nurses, you get the gist.
Examples of this are far too many to list (or even try to list). But here are some good guidelines. The best time spent together is free. A hike, a zoo date, a day at the lake, a camping weekend. But paid things like concerts are good as well. The point is that you carve out time just for them, and you leave your phone at home.
Receiving Gifts: Just like it sounds, these people communicate love back and forth with tangible, little things… or grandiose things, depending on the person. (insert shameless hinting for new Maserati here.)
These people have equated love with tangible things, even money. Because money is proof of energy traded for time, it is a valid way to look at things for them. It is similar but different from Quality Time… Secondary to the actual time spent.
Examples: The sky’s the limit! But here are some key things to think about… handmade gifts mean even more than money bought, because of the TIME you put into it, and with only that person in mind. Little surprise things left where they can find, or even surprise gifts that they didn’t know you knew they wanted. So… the key is… you will want there to be a meaning to it. A diamond ring has its meaning. A love note that can be saved forever also has its meaning. I mean, if you wanted to try to give them a blender, if you spin it that you got it so you could personally make them margaritas on the weekends… Well, then maybe!
Physical Touch: These folks love everything from playing footsie to having fingers run through their hair, to lovemaking, to holding hands in public.
Believe it or not, these people are not sex maniacs. No, they are not on drugs. They simply crave your energy and the chemical release from your touch. Yes, that chemical release is ‘love.’ They cannot get enough.
Love, within reason!
It is vitally important to remember that you likely have two different love languages that you’re working within the relationship. You must know each other’s specific language. A good rule of thumb is to acknowledge the person’s effort, and then reciprocate an effort in their language back! You’ll see it will begin to work wonders even if you just take turns.
PRO TIP: This works for teenagers and kids too! Just remember some of their body language is expressed without control because their cute little frontal lobes are not yet fully developed. This is not an excuse! It is only my observation. Ignore eye-rolling, stomping off, and acting embarrassed. The thoughts of what you have done for them are still there, and so are the feelings. It is still valued.
If you have trouble figuring out your love language, or your partner’s love language, I can help! Contact me here in chat on lifereader.com. I’m also happy to offer suggestions of things to do and have a look psychically to see potential responses. We can look at timing as well.
As always, I leave you with love and light, and hope to chat with you soon!
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