By Karey: Creating the wait is a valuable skill for all areas of life. It is an attitude of hope and love that empowers our voice and enables our future to bloom and grow. It is also a time of trusting ourselves in a way that is personal and liberating. Every person that I have ever coached in mastering a wait has come out the other side grounded and self-assured. Often the outcomes are different than expected as we move out of codependency into self- awareness. This process and how you create your wait is personal and varies per situation. It is vital in leaving abuse.
When leaving abuse, the wait falls into three main categories, acute, chronic and mundane. Each of these requires different timing and strategy, but all are worth the effort as the outcomes are tremendously empowering. Let’s face it, when in the hell of abuse, we are forced to give up our power in self- defense as that is how they control us. In the acute situation, we know they are mean and we are victims. However, you cannot heal from a place of victim as it is void of power. In a chronic abusive relationship, the abuse is harder to recognize as they beat us down then pick us up. The same person who comforts you when you are down is the one who beat you down in the first place. This type of abuse is confusing, hard to leave and keeps us controlled in a seemingly loving way, but it is a lie and an energetic pattern that we must understand to escape. Mundane is when we know who the abuser is and who we are but the situation is tolerable enough to wait for the kids to graduate, money to come, etc. In this choice to wait, is important to create the wait vs. falling into complacency. Complacency has little power to drive the ultimate change.
Most abusers feed on taking our power. We justify giving them our power because we love them, need the security or perhaps we just don’t know any better. Abuse is NOT love, period. Twisting it up to be love is a lie. I don’t know any woman on the planet that has completely escaped this lesson. Love is the creative force. Love is the supportive force. As humans, we are the blend of these two forces. We are the love and it grows from within. If you are not happy or do not know that you ARE the love, then let us explore how creating a wait allows you to remedy that non truth.
Why create a wait when leaving abuse? The number one reason is self- defense. Abuse hurts us on all levels and distorts our sense of self. Like it or not, we allow this dynamic and it is hard to undo. Creating a wait allows us to gather strength, vitality and strategy. It also gives space for healing, self- discovery and truth to prevail. In acute abuse, often the fight flight causes us to leave first. However, without an immediate strategy for recovery by designing a waiting place to heal and regroup, women often go back over and over, choose this type of partner again or remain a victim forever. In acute abuse, the wait is essential for healing, grieving and regaining power along with self- worth. This is also true in chronic abuse but the timing and strategy are different.
When do we create a wait while leaving abuse? In acute abuse it times out in two ways. They hurt you or yours and we pack essentials, leave and immediately create the wait, often in stages. Or they destroy trust in an intense way, but you want your stuff and the clean escape, which requires quick strategy into a safe wait. Either way it is nothing short of traumatic. Either way we must grab the wait as our safe place and keep moving towards the new. Setting the new and healing the old is essential in creating happiness. You deserve to be happy. Happiness is created by your conscious choices, always. Own this fact.
Chronic abuse escape is most efficiently done with a wait before we go. Often the abuse is psychological and or passive aggressive and we feel confused. If you are confused as to if the problems are your fault or not it is essential that we bring you into awareness of energy patterns, habits, beliefs, coping patterns and reactions. It is important that you understand your co-dependence patterns, what they are and how it contributes to your reality before you try to change your reality. This wait before we go allows safety, healing and opens the window of hope towards the new adventures in life. If you don’t reset yourself before you go, more often than not, you go back or attract the same lessons again. This wait is a special opportunity to create the new, heal the present and past while regaining vitality and clarity. You are clear in what you don’t want. It is imperative that you get clear on what you do want “for you” vs. waiting for other people to change allowing you to be happy. You are in charge of happy, make that choice. Sometimes we have to create a wait after you leave too, especially if you have never lived alone. Otherwise, we can plant the next phase of life like a beautiful garden while you heal, plan and move through the hell of it. Move right into a blooming life. Doing all these phases at once not only distract you from the pain of it all but shortens the full recovery time by half.
Mundane abuse often takes the form neglect. Chronic neglect is abuse. When it turns into mundane, complacency is the outcome. With this type of abuse we often are so used to it that we do not fight it anymore. Acceptance is a good, but what we often do not realize with this type of abuse is that we are already in a wait. A permanent, stagnant wait for other people and circumstance to change is still the outcome of our choice to be complacent. Mental abuse, alcohol overuse, etc. can fall in this category as we adhere to “in sickness and in health” or other justifications for living with uncooperative people. You see this often in long term relationships who partner in parenting. I left my husband in 2003 with 2 small boys. The abuse went from chronic to acute back to chronic and then hit a plateau of mundane for years before my boys were old enough to move away. When the youngest turned 14, I had been complacent for so long that I was not sure leaving was best. How do you motivate yourself for change when you have accepted less than what everyone deserves? You go deep and wide to find your truth. My truth that I should be free of the misery of other people’s choices is strong. It was a hidden ember that I found and nurtured back to life. Find the ember of the truth that you are, nurture it and turn the flame into a passion for living again. Your passion, your life by design is what fuels you to create that wait into a springboard for happy living.
How do we create a wait? In all circumstances we create our wait as a safe place to allow growth and healing. In this feeling of safe, we learn to trust ourselves, our guides, Masters, human and animal support teams. We are never alone. We have each other. Even if all you think you have is a guardian angel or your dog that is enough. You can learn to access and use the guides, angels and Masters at your will. The animals, flora and fauna are there for us too. Open up to all the love around you. So, step one is to create a safe place to access our truth and support team. Two evaluate what you dream of vs. what you are living. Three plan the new and start healing from the old. I know this sounds easier than it feels in the drama of things. Starting is as easy as this effective exercise.
While seated, allow your energy to go deep into the Earth. Deep in the Earth is an extra demention of pure supportive love. Tap into that demention and bring the pure supportive love back up into our body. Fill your body with pure supportive love. Now go with your energy past the clouds, angels and Masters, shapes, colors and tones until you reach pure creative love. Bring the love of creation back down into our body. Fill our body with creative love.
Synergize the creative and supportive love in perfect balance in your body. Feel the balance. Hold out your hands and create a ball of light. In the ball of light, you can intend anything you choose. (Intentions like “show me my truth”, “fill me with courage and strength” or “send money for the move” are all easy to start with.) Fill the ball of light with your intention. Call in Arch Angel Michael, the blue light, Jesus, Buddha, Goddess, Creator or any high frequency that you trust and hand off your ball of light to your trusted Spirit. Your intentions and trust will build with this exercise. Do it often. Keep yourself balanced.
There are many tools and techniques to help you move back into happiness. Creating your wait will quietly allow you to heal while you empower your greatest dreams, plan and execute your change and teach you the truth that life is yours to design. You are the love. Take back your power for life is free will, your free will. You are the wisdom. Love Wisdom is the lesson of the Christ and a balanced place to execute our free will to be happy and at peace.
Love and Light,