By Brenda: A breakup of a love relationship is traumatic. Seeing all your hopes of happily ever after dissolve leaves you adrift without the anchor of that person that you trusted your heart with. Reasons for the break up can be attributed to many things. Incompatibility, trust, timing, personal drama and so forth. It all boils down to the simple fact that even if you love someone if you are not going forward on the same path in the relationship it will eventually crash. Even a Karmic or soulmate connection sometimes cannot change that. Some breakups are mutual, civil and friendly, but that is the exception. In the norm a breakup is usually initiated by one or the other persons in the relationship.
Creating a scenario in which one person wants the breakup and the other person does not. Communication at this stage is key, but most often fails miserably. What remains of the love you both shared becomes a remnant, a veil in which two people often hide their true intentions for fear of hurting the other one. Being clear about what you want and setting gentle but firm boundaries is the kindest and most responsible thing that can be done at this time.
How to behave, to think or even feel after a breakup is hard and hurtful for both parties. If you are the person initiating the breakup it is important to be as clear as possible as to why you have made this decision. Remaining friends with your ex is not always possible and lies solely with the level of emotions and understanding around the breakup. When a situation is highly emotionally charged a good decision would be to ask for space to decide what you really want to do. Stepping back from a situation that has come to a crossroads can bring perspective on what is the real reason for the breakup. When the emotions have calmed down sometimes the clouds part and two people can find their way back to each other and the relationship can get back on track even stronger than before. So when dealing with a breakup realize it may not be the end, but rather an end of the way the two of you are relating to each other. To ensure the best chance of a breakup becoming a new beginning, there are several pitfalls that needs to be avoided.
Stick to your boundaries: When you have initiated a breakup the single most confusing thing for your ex is to keep up the communication like it never happened when all along you know you don’t want that person back. It is hard because you can feel that you want to let them down softly but actually you are giving false hope that the relationship is not really over.
Begging and stalking on social media: When you are the person that has been broken up with, take some time to step back. Harassing and begging them to take you back almost never works permanently. Giving them space could allow that old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” really work. If you refuse to respect their decision and go as far as stalking and annoying on social media the heart will not grow fonder just more distant. Sometimes a relationship can be a process and by allowing the person you love to go out in the world they will circle back to you. The person they can really love and trust. Going nuclear on social media for both the one broken up with or the one initiating it creates distrust and disrespect.
Know that you are worthy of a true and lasting love: Attractions and relationships are full of complications and we cannot always help who we love. That love sometimes strikes like lightning and often does not respect timing. Knowing that you deserve a perfect love for yourself means that you may have to really take a look at a love situation that is stuck and going nowhere. Is this the best choice for you and your partner? Can you change him or her to see things your way? Does this relationship honor you and is it to your highest good? Or, What if I left this relationship and created a space for a genuine soulmate to enter?
Dealing consciously with a breakup allows you to see your situation not from the perspective of “he did that” or “she did that” and stewing in the negativity, but rather by creating boundaries, it brings back our sense of self that is worthy of that love and soulmate we deserve!
Love and Light,