At some point, we all come to a crossroads where we have to let go in order to move forward. It could be that a relationship is changing, has ended or is in transition, or that some other change is in the process of happening in your life and you cannot directly control the outcome. Sometimes you’re simply too “attached” to a problem, pain or roadblock. Learning the difference between a form of letting go that isn’t really letting go at all (and which keeps you stuck) and true release is a must. Really letting go is not defeat or passively waiting, instead it is a positive way in which you can release those forces that are holding you back and remain active, self-focused and balanced.
Just like everything else in life, there’s a passive and active way in which we can release and let go. The “active” and positive form of letting go keeps your energy flowing forward and leads to your open heart. This is important because without THAT, you feel empty, scared, and that dreaded “something is missing” feeling which causes you to attach even more strongly to the target we’re attached to (the guy we like , the relationship we want, etc.). The problem is, attaching even more firmly to fill up that empty-hole only causes MORE detachment from ourselves and more connection to fear instead of flow. Any reassurance we get in that mode won’t last very long (for example a psychic reading or a chat with the person we are focused on) because pretty soon we’re back to that state of emptiness and fear again.
Here’s how to tell if you’re in positive “active” release energy: You think to yourself, “I’m not going to worry about this. I know that I can’t force change so I’m going to put my focus into something that benefits myself and others.” You feel free to stop trying to “drive” the situation and all the stress that comes with it and you feel more able to trust in spirit. Your energy (and heart) feels positive — even if you’re not happy in every moment, you’re feeling more possibilities, more peace and more connected to your own skin and Being instead of worrying about how others see you. You feel more “I’m trusting that what is in my life right now is exactly what I need and I can use this to create a positive future” — This type of letting go actually helps you to connect with the very relationships that are in transition or stress right now and can attract harmony, solutions and progress.
There are some ACTIONS and activities that come along with this positive form of letting go:
1. Connecting with other people really being present for other people.
A good thing to do is to ask, “Who needs my time and attention today? Who can I help?” (besides the “target” or object of our attachment or fear-focus, of course!)- When we shift our focus from our problem to others and to the gifts that we can bring to others, we immediately feel more fulfilled and that emptiness and stuck-ness is transformed into a feeling of connection and self worth.
2. Working on any project or subject that is close to your true heart/living your life
A huge rush of release comes in working on something that really truly matters to you instead of those projects devoted to winning or controlling some outcome with another person. This could be anything from papering your walls, working on your charitable organization, to creating crafts or art. Whatever it is, it’s about you, and for YOU and about those things you truly care about. You’re getting out there and living your own life instead of waiting for someone to change and be who you want or need them to be. You give yourself permission to have other interests other than the problem and allow yourself to be fully present in living your life If you feel like you don’t have anything to be passionate about other than the “problem” (or person) causing distress, then your heart is in need of rescuing and release all the more. You owe it to yourself to find those seeds closest to your heart and nurture them.
3. Taking time to connect to your own emotions (even if they’re bad or difficult)
This one takes some practice, don’t give up… tell yourself that you can handle those feelings and you will move through them to clarity. Sometimes instead of allowing ourselves to feel grief, anger or sadness we stuff our emotions down or try to be “OK” or “busy” — but true release means allowing yourself to feel emotions to completion.
Here’s how to tell if you’re in passive, negative mode around letting go: Instead of feeling active, you feel like you’re “waiting” (you will either want to push the problem away from you and hide from it or you won’t be able to let go at all) You think to yourself, “I have to let go but I also have to worry about this. I have to think about anything and everything that might be out there” You feel really anxious and pressured to hurry up and change things somehow and you can’t stop thinking about the ‘prize’ or the problem instead of yourself. Your heart feels empty and sad, even if happy things are happening and you’re feeling less connected to who you are and are more focused on someone other than yourself in a situation that is in impasse. Note: If we try to let go and do release from this part of us – what ends up is we try to either throw something away, or dissociate from it in order not to deal with it. (Put it on the shelf, I can’t deal with it)
Negative release activities look like this:
1. Spending time trying to plot or plan things around someone/something not actually available in the moment
Sometimes even when we’re trying to let go we’re trying to figure out communications, meetings or happenings that could make things “change” — Unfortunately, all this trying will NOT make things happen any better, faster or gain us more love and the effort will either not work, or will frustrate us and lead to even more attachment.
2. Staying “busy” and going out with friends but internally obsessing
Being busy and doing things that look healthy on the outside but having background anxiety and thoughts about the subject/person you’re funneling all your energy into. Not really allowing yourself to be fully present in the fun activities or people you’re enjoying. When we try to avoid difficult feelings or escape them, we find ourselves returning to those very thoughts and feelings.
3. Going into distance mode where we don’t do the things we need to do (or want to do) or where we are filled with giving up thoughts and hopelessness
It’s normal to slide into passive energy from time to time! But as you become aware, you can promote positive “action” for yourself that puts YOU as the center theme of your story. Remember – letting go is not a surrender to defeat, like diving into a bottomless lake with a lead weight around your ankle. Instead, it’s a flowing stream that carries you to possibilities, change, progress and growth. Letting go, let’s things FLOW!